a fucking pirate king at that
And Jack Sparrow is in the back just like “What are you talking ‘bout? I’m the King!:
this is literally the most beautiful love story my god
i aspire to have this marriage
Sammy’s life is hard
i have a bunch of high school musical party supplies who wants to party with me
we’re all in this together
once i got very drunk in a bar and my mum had to pick me up so i was trying to act normal by keeping the conversation so i asked her if shes a virgin and she looked at me with pain in her eyes and said “i wish i was”
Louis CK nailing it every time.
people who say “melk” instead of milk
I say melk…
you know, melk is actually the dutch word for milk
are you really going to beat up all of holland
My cat is broken. He meows for a bath every night and when I put him in he flops down and sleeps.
look at my little bastard. look at how happy he fucking is in my sink.
if you dont have me on facebook you are probably not missing out on any posts but the comment section is important too lmao
I went to the Renaissance faire dressed as a warrior. I had a real sword with me, too. I was standing (in character) next to a sword-fighting ring, where kids of all ages got the chance to pick up a sword and challenge the champion. Some woman walks by, with her little girl. The girl starts walking towards the ring, saying she wants to fight. But the mom pulled her away hella sharply, and was like, “That’s for boys.” You don’t want to be a BOY, do you?” And the girl looked around and saw me. I think she thought I was a boy; I had my hair in a ponytail, and was wearing a hood. So she comes up to me and asks me, “Do you think girls can be fighters, too?” And her mom looks like she’s silently gloating. Like she thinks I’m going to say no. So I take off my hood, untie my hair so that it flows freely, and kneel before her. And I’m like, “Milady, anyone can be a fighter.” I swear, the look on that mother’s face made my day.
There’s this guy that rants everyday about how everyone is sinners at our college and someone made a bingo game to go along with him today
listening to your favorite band with your friend